Paula Deen, the N-Word, and Modern Day Slavery

Tags

bigotry, black waiters, Bubba, deposition, Hiers, N-word, Paula Deen, racism, Smithfield, Target, The Food Network, WalMart

I don’t know if Paula Deen is a racist.  Here is what I DO know.  She was fired from her job and lost all of her endorsement deals because she admitted (told the truth) in a deposition that she used the N-word many years in the past.

This deposition reads like the questions were compiled by a tabloid magazine editor.

“What are the names of your son’s past girlfriends?”

“What are their addresses?”

“Was your ex-husband an alcoholic?”

“Did he ever hit you?”

“Why did you divorce your ex-husband?”

“What are the addresses of all the places you’ve lived since you popped out of your mother’s womb?”

“How much money did Paula Deen Enterprises net last year?”

You have to get halfway through before there are any real questions to speak of.  From my reading, what is obvious is that Miss Deen is a very busy woman who lost a daily, hands- on knowledge, which she likely once had, of the operations at both her and her brother’s restaurant; especially her brother’s restaurant.  She hired people to manage things.  Not all of those people got along.  Some of them, including her brother, appear to be ignorant, petty, fallible people.  Some, namely Ms. Deen’s brother, and to some extent, Miss Deen herself, do not understand that you cannot be a “real” person in the workplace.  If you are a coarse, loud-mouthed, good-ole-boy, you had better check it at the door.  This should not be news or rocket science.  Unfortunately, I’ve worked for a number of these types of people in my lifetime. I did not sue them.  Most of us do not.

It is equally obvious that Miss Deen is loyal to her brother and does not want to believe that he is a “bad” person.  He might NOT be a bad person.  But she is just as likely to have overlooked some of his foibles which she should not have if she wanted to be a savvy business woman.  If half of what the attorney deposing Miss Deen is saying about her brother is true, then Miss Deen’s brother is none too bright and is a boorish buffoon to boot.  Most of us would not choose him as a close friend. The reality is, however, that we do not get to choose our family.  And let’s face it, many of us have blinders on where our family is concerned.

If you have read the deposition, you also have learned that Miss Deen, herself, has a crude sense of humor regarding sex.  I have one older female friend that has this same sense of humor.  She sends me emails that she also sends to other people; some of them she has forwarded from others.  I assume there are a lot of old ladies out there that like to joke about sex.  While it is uncomfortable for me, it does not define my friend’s entire character; it speaks more to the era in which she was born and raised.

When Miss Deen says “of course” in response to a question about whether she has used the N-word, that should not shock anyone.  If so, I suggest it is “fake” shock to make a point.  Miss Deen is almost 70-years-old and grew up in an area and time where that word was heard and/or uttered on a regular basis.  I know.  I spent the first 16 years of my life there (1965-1981).  I have family and friends that live there still.   As a child, we used to call each other (white children) the N-word.  We didn’t know any better.  Once you do, you STOP!!!!!  And that ought to be the end of that.  If you are not going to allow people to change and if you are not willing to accept their apologies, then you are going to create more conflict.  And quite frankly, if you are one of those people in the lynch mob, you don’t really care about the process of moving away from bigotry, you are just interested in being angry and punishing.  I have seen victims of violent crimes more forgiving of the criminals than many are of Miss Deen.

As I said, I still have family that lives in the south.  I have heard them say many cringe-worthy things.  But I love them nonetheless.  Does that make me somehow guilty by association?  But let’s be real.  I have lived most of my life in the northern U.S.  I left my small hometown in the north for a LONG, LONG time because I heard the N-word way too often for my taste in addition to the same disrespect aimed at women in general, regardless of skin color.  This is the NORTH.  So this is not just a southern problem.  Northerners are much sneakier in their racism.

Regardless – North, South, East or West – most of us are not forced to have our least proud moments excised from our lives and crudely stitched together and put back out there as who we ARE.  Read the Paula Deen deposition, all 149 pages, like I did.  Then come back and let’s talk about how Miss Dean deserves what she got.

I shudder to imagine what someone could ask me in a deposition where I would be forced to tell the truth (because I am an honest person) and have it all put out there in the media.   I haven’t done anything unlawful, but I’ve sure made my share of stupid mistakes and said some pretty ignorant things.  I was young once.  But if I was forced to be deposed because of something my family said or did and then crucified for telling the truth, I would be ready to go to war.

Here is another thing.  Having read the deposition in its entirety, I am mad as heck at the media pundits, bloggers, and people who comment about this situation because either they haven’t read the deposition or they have and are trying to slant it to make it look worse.  Shame on them.

For example, from Jezebel:

“Paula Deen’s Dream Dinner Party Waiters: Black Slaves in White Jackets

When Deen was asked if she used the N-word, she replied: “Yes, of course.” Then she was asked why in the world she would say something about wanting to hire black cater waiters to pretend to be “slaves” at an old-school Southern wedding. She responded by saying that she got the idea when she was at an event with black cater waiters, and is also just generally a racist.

“The whole entire waiter staff was middle-aged black men, and they had on beautiful white jackets with a black bow tie. I mean, it was really impressive. That restaurant represented a certain era in America… after the Civil War, during the Civil War, before the Civil War… It was not only black men, it was black women… I would say they were slaves.”

Here is the unedited manuscript.  If you don’t have time to read the whole thing, start at page 125 and go to page 134.  You decide if there was intent to make Miss Deen appear more bigoted by the way her answers were spliced together above as well as the headline.

I don’t know about you, but I’m really curious about where this restaurant is that Miss Dean thought was so unique and awesome with its black waiters in white sports coats and black pants.  Because if the fact that she found it charming is enough to get her sent to the front of the unemployment line, the restaurant itself should be closed and the owners sued for some sort of discrimination.  For that matter, Hooters should be closed down for discrimination and for their marginalization of women.  But women are fair game for exploitation through demeaning portrayals of antiquated stereotypes.   If the fact that Miss Dean used the N-word in private should get her livelihood taken away, then the fact that Rush Limbaugh is a serial name-caller should get him kicked off the air for eternity (one can dream).  And why did Karen Finney get to call Republicans crazy crackers and then get her own show on MSNBC?  These are not frivolous questions.  We have to ask ourselves in all honesty why we are willing to put up with the ones but not the others.

I am not trying to excuse the blatant racism that is on display in this country.  I will even agree that much of it comes from the south (the overt kind) which has been especially highlighted since we elected a black president – twice.  I don’t know what the answer is to mending this rift between the north and the south which has been there since the end of the civil war, but I doubt it is going to be accomplished by persecuting an elderly white woman.  You can make people scared to speak their mind, but you cannot change what is in their hearts by threatening them.

There is still slavery in this country.  And that slavery is political correctness; even to the point of retroactive political correctness.  If you use speech to intimidate in an effort to keep a group of people from a job, a home, an education, the ballot box or any of the basic necessities or rights to life or if you use speech to harass, then it is speech that is not protected in my opinion.  But if it is speech that merely offends, even grossly offends, then it is part of being an American, even if what we hear is distasteful.  We have the option to make our distaste known via our pocketbooks, letters to the editor, and calls and emails to our representatives in government, etc.  I suppose that, on some level, The Food Network, WalMart and Target have exercised this right, but I think they were VERY hasty and were likely “forced” (were slaves) into that position because so many people (the media) over-reacted or purposely slanted the situation.  Jumping on every insult and infraction as if it is DEFCON 1 will only lead to more and worse Xenophobia.  Further, what The Food Network, etal. did was to take away the general public’s ability to react appropriately on its own to Miss Deen’s deposition.  All this brouhaha might make for a good headline, bump up ratings for a while and sell a few more newspapers, but it does nothing positive in terms of building bridges and healing wounds.

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Attack! She’s Opened a Jar of Jif!

Tags

bigotry, boys, Christians, church, discrimination, double standard, feminism, feminist, girls, hatred, mom, woman, women

I started the day off reading one of my favorite blogs. The gentleman who writes the blog was very optimistic about the fact that women were on the precipice of being accepted and ordained as pastors (and other good things).  I, however, am not so optimistic, although I am glad there are men who believe as he does.  It gives me a dash of hope.  But why my negative attitude?

I was born in 1965. I entered elementary school in Texas – TEXAS – in 1971. From as early as I can remember, even though there was discrimination, I always felt that if I applied myself and worked really, REALLY hard, I could soar with the eagles (men).

But that was a time when I think even extremely bigoted men (and women) indugled girls trying to better themselves because it amused them. It amused them like watching a monkey try to get the lid off a jar of peanut butter; they might succeed occasionally, but by-and-large they were never going to be very good at it.  However, as women proved that they were, in fact, good at a variety of things, including opening jars of Jif, fear started to build up in the psyche of the onlookers until we arrive here: 2013.

I have never in my 48 years felt such hatred (I am not even going to try and temper that word) toward girls and women. The only group blamed for more evil are Muslims. I think even gay men are not villified as much.

Women and the liberal education system (women) are responsible for boys not performing well in school because it supposedly favors girls. Men are not getting into the best colleges because girls (and minorities) are being favored in the application process. Young men are dropping out of college because…..well, they don’t exactly say why, but it is always thrown in there when talking about how the women’s movement has ruined America for boys. Boys are choosing to live in their parents’ basements playing video games because somehow girls achieving THEIR potential emasculates boys and kills boys’ desire to succeed and because boys’ mothers had the audacity to kiss them when dropping them off at kindergarten lo those many years ago. There are too many children living in poverty because lazy minority women devoid of any morals whatsoever will not keep their legs shut and socialist women (and girly men) are giving them handouts so that they never have the desire to make it on their own.  Most women in power (except the uber-attractive, Republican variety) are mocked for being horse-faced harpies; at least by those who want least to see women succeed.

And these attacks do not even include the rash of legislation being proposed and already passed in 2013 (we are only in March!) aimed at limiting or eliminating women’s access to health services and control of their own bodies.  If that weren’t bad enough, the legislation reaches beyond limiting rights and looks to further degrade, violate and humiliate women in the process (i.e., forced vaginal ultrasounds).

If the attacks were only coming from extreme, fundamentalist Christians or from Republicans or from men in general, it might not seem so scary. However, it comes from all over; including the mothers and fathers of underachieving boys, EVEN if they also have girls. I often wonder what dinner conversations in THOSE households sounds like…”Feminism is ruining our boys,” laments Mom and Dad as they reach over and pat little Susie’s hand, “but YOU are different, Dear. You can be anything you want and that doesn’t make you a bad person.”

I am constantly amazed how the men I know can talk awfully about powerful women and then expect me to believe that they respect ME. What makes me different? What makes my daughters different? It is a very damaging message to send to wives, mothers, daughters, and nieces. It doesn’t help the boys either, but to the girls and women who love the men (and women) saying these things, it is heartbreaking and a joy-killer.

I wonder if the blogger who envisions women on the verge of being treated fairly by the Church in the near future read this story. A young pregnant woman in San Diego was fired by her Christian college employer for having sex before marriage and her job was then offered to her fiancé who fathered the child. It boggles the mind that people can convince themselves that double standards do not exist.

Well, gotta run. There are jars of peanut butter to open.

Nobody Cares What Jesus Said, Including Christians

Tags

abortion, Beck, bigotry, Christians, gay marriage, Godless, Hannity, Jesus, Limbaugh, Matthew 5:17, racism

During the year leading up to the November 2012 presidential election, I endured a barrage of postings on my Facebook feed whose message, in a nutshell, was that anyone other than Republicans (especially President Obama and anyone who supported him) was a Godless heathen set upon destroying the country through fiscal and moral ineptitude.  Sadly, not much has changed since the election.  If that is not your experience, I’m happy for you, but it is mine and I am not exaggerating.  I tried for a long time to remain silent because I truly enjoy being involved with friends and family and acquaintances; some of whom I only have contact with via Facebook. 

We all have family members who like to go on about things at Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner; things which could be construed as racist, bigoted, etc., but we bite our tongues because we love them and remember how they helped us learn to swim or to cook and, besides, we do not want to ruin a perfectly good turkey dinner.  Despite our embarrassment for that person, we comfort ourselves with the knowledge that their antics are private-what happens at Christmas dinner stays at Christmas dinner.

But the comments, links, cartoons and rants I was and am experiencing, the type of diatribe that over the decades of my life had previously been observed only in intimate settings when friends and family “let their hair down”, is now being put out there for all to see, resplendent in its falsity, anger, bitterness, racism, bigotry, hatred and sometimes downright craziness.  What I have witnessed suggests that many do not care that they are observed in acts that are, in my mind, equivalent to being caught cursing in church; something for which we might feel shame or regret.

Over the months, it was becoming quite clear, and I was growing more and more alarmed, that lies, distortion, attempts to humiliate and degrade, and the quests to destroy someone’s reputation through the promulgation of conspiracy theories was a new badge of honor, worn proudly by a group who considered themselves the only “true” Americans and the only “true” Christians.  Yes, I am finally getting to the title of this post:   Nobody cares what Jesus said, including Christians.

I don’t know when it first started, but at some point the Republican party became associated with the Christian party (I mean Church.)  Christians and Republicans forged a marriage of convenience over abortion and gay marriage.  And for better or worse, until death do them part, now each is a reflection of the other.  In my opinion, this marriage has done nothing to promote the Kingdom of God -quite the opposite, really – even if it has helped some Republicans get elected to office.

Whenever a Republican calls a Democrat a “libturd”, refers to the first lady as “YoMama”, talks about “legitimate” rape, refers to single mothers (those who DID NOT have an abortion) as “welfare moms”, calls women who use birth control “sluts” and “prostitutes”, calls anyone who disagrees with them “pinheads”, and refers to the president as the “idiot in chief”…well, it trashes the image of Jesus.  You cannot spread the Good News while you are participating in, condoning, or not publically condemning this behavior.  It is impossible. 

No, not all Christians are participating in these shenanigans but, sadly, many are.  But when you have thrown in with a group, it is not good enough that you just avoid the behavior.  Christians are not doing enough to either get the Church out of politics or show they are different than the Republicans who are participating.  That does not mean Christians cannot have strong beliefs nor does it mean they cannot talk to politicians and try and make their case, but that is not what Christians are doing.  They are actually involved in partisan politics to the extent that Republicans and Christians are becoming one-in-the-same and any bad behavior that one participates in becomes the image bestowed upon the other.  And that image has not, in recent years, been one of Christ.

Over the years, I have received much needed comfort from the words of Jesus; especially in light of the harsh realities of this world and also the Old Testament world.  There are so many legalistic Christians who want to point out that Jesus didn’t come to abolish the Law as Jesus stated in Matthew 5:17.  But the Bible cannot be read in a vacuum, dissected and regurgitated piecemeal to make whatever point we want to make at any particular moment.  No, a careful reading of that scripture should tell us that Jesus was trying to teach us that He was there because we did not have the ability to follow the law.  We had to be better than the Pharisees to even have a chance of seeing heaven, and we should all know how Jesus viewed the Pharisees’ chances of attaining the Kingdom of God.

Immediately after Jesus utters the words of Matthew 5:17, He tries to teach His people that they didn’t have a clue what it meant to follow the Law.  It wasn’t enough not to murder, but you should not be angry with your brother.  It wasn’t enough not to commit adultery, but you should not even look at another with lust.  You shouldn’t go about swearing on heaven or on earth, but instead put into practice what you say by following through with actions; let your “Yes” be “Yes” and your “No”, “No.”  There is the letter of the law and there is the spirit of the law and Jesus was showing us how woefully inadequate we were to successfully conquer either.

As a Christian, I know that Jesus came and died to relieve us from the burden of trying to follow the Law perfectly.  The fact that so many Christians want to revert to the legalistic requirements of the Old Testament is the same as saying that Jesus came and died for NOTHING.  Some Christians may want to send that gift back, but I don’t. 

Jesus spent his time on earth teaching love and forgiveness and He went out amongst the tax collectors and the prostitutes.  He admonished those that judged them, including His disciples.  Can you imagine Jesus advising us before ascending into heaven to listen to the Rush Limbaughs and Sean Hannitys and Glen Becks of this world because they would serve as a proxy for all that is righteous, moral, loving, and forgiving?

It is only through this marriage of Christians and Republicans that I have come to understand that there are more Scrooges in the Church than I thought and there are fewer Mother Theresas than I imagined.  It makes me sad.  I used to believe that Christians were generous, but many today act as if caring about your fellow human being is a sin. It may surprise some to know that even Billy Graham’s teachings are thought to be too liberal by some Christians today.

Yes, I know that following Christ is more than just doing a few good deeds, but when pressed by His disciples to distill down the commandments into the most important, Jesus said that we should love the Lord with all our heart and our neighbors as ourselves.  I don’t know how you can do the first without attempting the latter.  The actions of Christians today explain why no one else cares what Jesus had to say, but as Christians, we need to ask ourselves why we’ve stopped caring.